Geek and Programmer Jokes
- CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980
- Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF…
- Artificial intelligence beats real stupidity.
- Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers.
- What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.
- Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can’t C#.
- A programmer had a problem, he decided to use threads. now two has . He Problems.
- A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history.
- There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
- A wife calls her programmer husband and tells him, “While you’re out, buy some milk.” He never returns home.
- I had a dream… and there were 1′s and 0′s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!
- Q: What is the difference between “String” and “Thread”? A: In which language?
- If you don’t succeed at first try, just call it version 1.0.
- The truth is out there. Anybody got the URL?
- Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google
- The box said “Requires Windows XP or better”. So I installed LINUX.
- Computers make very fast and very accurate mistakes.
- A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax.
- Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little later they walked out because they couldn’t find a table
- The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
- Ask a programmer to review 10 lines of code, he’ll find 10 issues. Ask him to do 500 lines and he’ll say it all looks good.
- Facebook went public because they couldn’t figure out the privacy settings.
- Everytime I time I touch my code, I give birth to ten new bugs.
- When you run a VM inside another VM, inside another VM, inside another VM…, everything runs real slow – is the right way to explain the movie Inception to a programmer.
- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!
- Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources.
- To error is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more human.
- I’m sorry, my software is perfect. You must be the problem.
- If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.
- Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with any of your Microsoft products.
- Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer.
- “Mr. Worf, scan that ship.” “Aye Captain. 300 dpi?”
- “Knock, knock.”
very long pause….