Geek and Programmer Jokes

– CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980

– Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF…

– Artificial intelligence beats real stupidity.

– Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers.

– What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.

– Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can’t C#.

– A programmer had a problem, he decided to use threads. now two has . He Problems.

– A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history.

– There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

– A wife calls her programmer husband and tells him, “While you’re out, buy some milk.” He never returns home.

– I had a dream… and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!

– Q: What is the difference between “String” and “Thread”? A: In which language?

– If you don’t succeed at first try, just call it version 1.0.

– The truth is out there. Anybody got the URL?

– Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google

– The box said “Requires Windows XP or better”. So I installed LINUX.

– Computers make very fast and very accurate mistakes.

– A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax.

– Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little later they walked out because they couldn’t find a table

– The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.

– Ask a programmer to review 10 lines of code, he’ll find 10 issues. Ask him to do 500 lines and he’ll say it all looks good.

– Facebook went public because they couldn’t figure out the privacy settings.

– Everytime I time I touch my code, I give birth to ten new bugs.

– When you run a VM inside another VM, inside another VM, inside another VM…, everything runs real slow – is the right way to explain the movie Inception to a programmer.

– Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!

– Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources.

– To error is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more human.

– I’m sorry, my software is perfect. You must be the problem.

– If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

– Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with any of your Microsoft products.

– Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer.

– “Mr. Worf, scan that ship.” “Aye Captain. 300 dpi?”

– “Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

very long pause….

“Java.”

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